“Talking” “Courting” “Dating” Part Dos

As a continuation of my last post in May, here I am to continue writing on a topic I hold near and dear to my heart. I apologize that it has taken me so long to follow up, but as you all may (hopefully) know and are aware COVID-19 has taken a real toll, and since my last post I have been so exhausted from work and self-work on myself, I neglected the blog. I also had a lot of personal life changes that took me away from this but nonetheless, I am back and better!

So, I decided to make this into a series because I received a bunch of feedback on this particular blog topic. I got suggestions such as going more into love languages, adding more on the list of things that are basically extinct in dating, my personal experience or what I’m looking for right now, what’s my relationship status currently, tips on dating, what are good date ideas… The recommendations go on and on. With that said, I decided to make this into a series of blog posts and discuss more on this topic.

First things first. I like to be as honest and transparent as possible, so readers, the cat is out of the bag. I am sure many have already assumed, but I’m here to set things straight. Yes, I am currently single. Now, if I am dating anyone currently is something I prefer to keep private because there’s only so much a lady tells. (And yes, you read that correctly dating, not “talking”.)

Now that that is clarified, we can move on to discuss the blog post at hand. That being said, let’s dive back in. Back in May/June – ish I asked those on my IG to answer some poll questions I genuinely wanted people’s opinions on. I came up with the list of questions myself (with a little help from a friend) and was intrigued and quite honestly surprised with the results. I am going to be putting the questions up and the results, along with as promised my personal take. So, let’s get into it:

  1. Is there a difference between “talking” and “dating”?
    • 88% of you say YAY meaning yes there is a difference and 12% said NAY.
    • Now, I am going to have to agree with the 88% of you and say there is without a shadow of doubt a 100%, no 1000%, difference between the two terms. I honestly despise that the word “talking” exists, when it comes to relationships/dating due to this generation, because dating is literally what people are doing. Getting to know someone, going out on dates, seeing if you are truly interested or not. Merriam Webster defines it as “to make a usually romantic social arrangement to meet with”. Exactly. Talking is communication. I can talk to anyone and everyone, but I do not DATE anyone and everyone. So if 88% of you agree, why is it that we still use this terminology?
  2. Is exclusivity during the “talking” stage a norm?
    • 58% of you say YAY meaning yes it is normal to make yourselves “exclusive” in a talking stage while 42% of you said NAY.
    • I genuinely do not believe in this “talking” stage, that is just me personally. Nowadays it seems as though we avoid labeling things for the fear of complicating something, yet fail to realize not knowing where you stand with someone is all the more complicating. Can you be exclusive when dating, I mean I guess so. You’re focusing that you both want to get to know ONLY each other but then again it makes things a tad messier in hindsight. It’s as though you still want to continue to test drive this, but without looking for other options. It’s weird, ngl.
  3. Do you “talk” or “date” more than one person at a time?
    • 24% of you say YAY and 76% of you say NAY as in you do not talk or date more than one person at a time.
    • Are we realizing how complicated this sounds right now? The whole point of dating someone is to get to know them without the commitment of a relationship. I could go on dates with multiple men until I have made my intentions clear on whom I decide to commit myself to. I have to go with the minority here. (Perfect reason why “talking” needs to be abolished in the relationship world).
  4. Is “simping” a bad thing?
    • 19% of you said YAY and 81% of you said NAY.
    • LOL. Ah another word I despise in this generation. Simping is just another generational term for caring. Urban dictionary literally defines simping as “someone who does WAY too much for someone they like”. FYI, I hate it here. Since when is it a bad thing to care and show the person you like or care about just that? I mean I’m glad 81% of you can agree with me but that 19%… who hurt you? That’s what love is all about, showing someone in more ways than one that you care, that they cross your mind (sometimes more than you care to admit), that out of all the people in the world you’re glad they chose you. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I live for that sappy stuff. Don’t just tell me, SHOW ME.
  5. Lastly, I asked couples in particular how did they know they found “the one”?
    • This was a fill in the blank, but the majority said it was just a feeling. A feeling that is so deeply rooted you could only know once you’ve felt it.
    • I personally cannot contribute to this because I’m not at the point currently, but what I can share with you all is my viewpoint of “the one”.
    • Since I was a little girl I grew up watching disney fairytales and happy endings. The princess getting the prince at the end, falling in love, and living happily ever after. Although I have grown up since then I still have a string of hope to find my prince charming. The only difference I can say I have now towards this is that I do not believe in “the one”. At least, not in the way we all think of when someone says that.
    • I do believe there is only one, and that happens to be the man above in whom I put my faith in. As I have been growing into my faith, I’ve realized that the only person that could ever fill those holes and that emptiness in me is not another human being, it’s God. When it comes to love, I have a firm belief that that is a choice we decide to make. Day in and day out. You get to choose who you love, everyday, flaws and all. That is something realistic to look forward to. Life is not some fairytale and it definitely is not perfect, neither are you or the person you’re going to be with. Only God is perfect. What I can say is, how riveting is it that you get to choose someone to share your life with, to grow with, to build a home with, to make everlasting memories with, to love and cherish? That sounds exceptional, if you ask me. Someone I can build my life with, wow. That although you are on separate paths, they could merge together for a bigger and better purpose in life.

Readers, this is just a snippet inside my brain and my personal opinion on these topics. What should I talk about next? Hmm… I’ll be posting some polls on IG, so let’s wait and find out! Until the next one, thank you all so much for waiting patiently for the next blog! Promise I won’t take as much time to get to the next one like this one!

Xo,

Monique S.

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